Duh…it's a Bunch of Lists

20 signs you’re married to a cheat September 9, 2009

1. Forget lipstick on his collar…mistresses of today leave lipstick on his underpants.
2. You see so much of his back in bed that you begin to see constellations in his freckles, yu have a cheat.
3. He brings you a dozen roses and one is missing.
4. They actually CARE about how they look. Mine began a habit of daily oral hygiene which told me that I could no longer deny the reality staring me right in the face,
5. There’s mixed CD in your car full of random country music songs labeled in your spouses handwriting.
6. Trust yourself. If they create a branch of law enforcement patterned after YOUR efforts, you probably have a liar. I’m responsible for a lot of today’s forensic knowledge, I even created the science of fiber analysis all by myself.
7. A job that used to require your spouse to spend 12 minutes a day speaking on the phone suddenly requires HOURS of phone time and busy signals.
8. The person who spent 17 years loaning you a razor all of a sudden gets annoyed at the “rough blade” you left after you used it.
9. For some reason, bathroom activities that were once shared are now individual events.
10. The receipts in the car from “his” lunch switch from Whoppers to Fruit Smoothie’s.
11. I know it takes some serious chutzpah, but some cheaters actually begin to ask YOU for your opinion on their hair.
12. The same guy who used to make you account for every move you made suddenly becomes aware of “how silly that is”.
13. This is a subtle one so you have to look for it…but they also stop making fun plans that include you any more than a week or so ahead of time.
14. The man who once told you that you were his soul mate begins to complain about cobwebs you didn’t even think he was aware of.
15. Your “cute hairs” in the hairbrush become “DISGUSTING, FILTHY LITTLE SUCKERS!”
16. Here’s an easy one…if a wife has to ask TWICE for sex, the husband is absolutely screwing someone else.
17. A man switches from jockeys to boxers…or boxers to jockeys.
18. The liar will admit to doing something REALLY bad…because the truth is so hideous the lie looks good in comparison.
19. Cheaters seem to dislike their in-laws more than they did before they cheated.
20. A man will either:

A. Suddenly learn to wipe his ass
or
B. Stop apologizing for the skid marks.

Mine chose option B, he was nothing if not disgusting.